I look forward to the day...

Dear George:

Being elected to the Office of the President is an honor and distinction. Only 42 men before you (in approximately 230 years since the birth of this country) have been chosen to hold this, the most important office in the world. This office gives the holder the privilege of leading this wonderful country, to be an example throughout the world of good and strong leadership, to honor the integrity of other nations, to support freedom for the entire planet. You are in an office that demands respect, that hopes to achieve lofty goals, that puts the needs of the people above your own personal needs, that engenders awe from all other nations. You hold an office that has held brave men of immense character and moral fiber, the saviors of our society, big thinkers and big doers, men of great dignity and stateliness. Every little boy and girl at sometime in their life is determined to be President of the United States. You have done it! Our presidents have always shown to be resourceful, imaginative, creative and capable. They have been for the most part fair, just, reasonable, and unbiased. They have provided great guidance and leadership when times have gotten tough. Most of all, they have been strong and yet compassionate to the people. How in the hell did YOU get there?

You, stole the last 2 elections. You, your family, and your very good friends arranged for the presidency to be handed to you. You couldn’t win it fairly…primarily because you are a loser. Hear me now!!! Mr. President…your secret will come out…it will not remain a secret forever. Someone is destined to spill the beans. Someone who falls out of grace with you and the family will begin to leak out the information. And when this happens, not only will you be disgraced, but you will take the entire Republican Party with you. They will have you to thank when the Democrats retake control of the Senate and the House. I look forward to the day.

Your smug expressions of piety and smirk of vindictiveness will soon be wiped away. As you walk around proudly touting your accomplishments, secure in the belief that you have finally bettered your father, be prepared…be very prepared. You have, thus far, conquered the 2 most notable failures of his administration. “Read my lips, no new taxes” was the first. Regardless of the deficit rising at break-neck speed, you hold onto tax cuts for the wealthy at the expense of the middle class. Ridding the world of Saddam was the 2nd. This has been a goal all along, regardless of any denials, as will soon be acknowledged by the sudden appearance of the minutes of a meeting in the U.K. You will end up disgracing your family again, just as you did all to regularly as a young man. You will return to your classic position of ‘black-sheep’ where you spent most of your life. Back to choking on pretzels and ‘banging your head on the coffee table’. Back to driving while intoxicated. Back to having your family bail you out of trouble and financial ruin again and again. You’ve not had a successful business venture your entire life. And you failed miserably at this one too. The family will need to come up with new excuses for you as you limp away in shame. That is, assuming you can feel any! That is, also assuming that they can conjure up some new ones. Maybe this time they’ll actually have to admit the truth (how unlikely), that you are just a failure, an embarrassment and humiliation. If you were my son, I would probably commit suicide to escape the mortification and disgrace I’d experience.

There are 2 methods of escape for you. The first is resignation…but do it quickly before the indictments come down. The second is to stage your own death, then slink out of the country and hide in Acapulco with your racist friend Fox. You’d make a lovely couple. You could always invite Gannon/Guckert to join you and make a threesome out of it!!

I apologize for the length and complexity of this letter, for I know how truly stupid you are. Who knows…maybe with “Stem Cell Research”, they can find a cure for that too. Oops, I forgot, you don’t agree with such things. Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to remain you!

Doc
Age 47
Long Island, NY